“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.”
Why is it that people want to hold you in your pain, hold you to your mistakes from long ago, hold you to someone you were once long ago? I think the simplest answer is because they are so afraid to face their truth, their anger, their mistakes, their present that it is easier for someone to come after your past hurt and pain than to face their own.
I was hurt a lot. I had a lot of pain, a lot of anger. My life has continued to have craziness and chaos and I plead to God, WHY? WHY ME? When do my blessings come? Then God said, “Be still and know that I am God”, I said Fuck you Jesus! I do not want to be still! I am ANGRY! Answer my cries! I questioned him and in all my anger life was not getting any better. It was just one crazy relationship whether it was a friend or a love interest, to work, to an epidemic of chaos in my life. I knew this was not working and something had to change. I finally sat on my couch when my children were asleep and was still and God whispered into my ear and said “Come just as you are” so I did. I cried at his feet asking for forgiveness and while I was amid Jesus, I realized that I had been comfortable in the chaos. I mean why wouldn’t I be, that is all I have ever learned and what I had been in the most of my life. I cried and cried at Jesus feet and then he said something else to me “you are chosen” “I am for you and not against you” I felt his arms around me if you could believe that. He was there.
I was trafficked, I was bought and sold without my consent. I was tortured. I saw people die. I thankfully came on the other side of that. I did not realize that being comfortable in my chaos I would allow my past into my future. By picking that wrong man it made a whirlwind of pain and hurt in my life. I married the worst kind of a man a sociopath with money behind him and one who is connected to my trafficker Derek Hays. This took me on a path of having false accusations and false criminal charges being brought against me by corrupt district attorneys who was put in a position to uphold the law, but they corrupt it. One who for a dollar will turn her head the other way. If I have learned anything in my life, I learned truth always comes out. Jesus has a plan for me, I am no longer comfortable in the chaos, and I am taking a stand to take my life back. So, this is my story… stick around to see how it all unfolds, the district attorneys will fall just as Goliath did.
I will no longer be threatened, bullied or pushed into a corner because a multi-billion-dollar industry and Derek Hays of LA direct models is trying to keep me quiet… see how I found forgiveness and how I can love the people that have wronged me the most…David trusted God and he took down Goliath with a little stone… I have faith and the government and porn industry is Goliath…. I would rather be David in this story… Take this journey with me and if I can help just one it was worth it…
"Human Progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals" - Martin Luther King Jr.
Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed – Martin Luther King Jr.